My name is Bridget, welcome to my virtual diary.
Forgive the pre-2023 entries lol I was really weird in high school
June 22 2024 hiiii guys sorry ive been neglecting this site in favor of webmastering Neocities sites for my beloved [uhh gotta use the black metal pseudonym] Count and Logan. Their usernames on here are underthefullmoon and konetska respectively, check them out!! I did all the coding, I put in a lot more effort so they're way better quality than this mess. Both are still works in progress, they're pretty primitive right now. My html has improved a lot since I started this site in high school I really have to clean up my code lol. So much hotlinking here it's actually painful. This site is practically held together with duct tape. I'll start renovating things in a few hours after I get some sleep. But anyway just a quick life update: still unemployed, went full anprim for a while (no cell phone and stopped vaping in favor of smoking cigarettes; still have no phone but am back on the vapes), have been working on my solo black metal project which isn't fully solo because I'm going to make my dad hop on a few tracks (calling in reinforcements as my drumming just sounds like I'm ripping off Burzum. because that is what is happening), and I've made some new friends n had fallings out with a few old ones. AKA don't get your hopes up for the martial industrial stuff lol. I am looking into starting college soon as well, I think I want to pursue a bachelors of science and major in biology. Not going to put the cart before the horse though. My mom got me one of those car dashboard looking vapes that tells you the percentage of battery + percentage of juice and the latter has been at 0% for the past 3 or 4 days but it's still hitting I think it may be enchanted. o7
Feb 29 2024 That Raynaud's thing keeps happening to my hands and feet (just hands rn) I need to get that checked out. It started happening to me a few months ago but it's become more and more frequent. I didn't realize it was that abnormal, I thought it was just like a thing that happens sometimes lol. I got my blood drawn the other day and the lab results said I'm severely deficient in vitamin d so maybe that has something to do with it. Anyway, I started working on a page to house my friends'/other neocities users' buttons (the 88x31 graphics that link to ppl's sites, for the uninitiated.) It's still a work in progress so if I followed you and yours isn't included yet it will be soon! Also yes I ripped off Mike J's Super Friendship Club from Postal 2 for the name lol
Feb 28 2024 Ok so erm there was some drama with that guy from my last entry. Not my or his fault, someone drunkenly let the cat out of the bag about our talking stage and then it became a whole thing. I still don't understand what the issue really was it's like a game of telephone, lots of misinformation as a result of a lotta he-said-she-said (could've been avoided if it was kept just between us/handled more directly, like I don't know why I was seemingly the last to know about everything nor why 2 additional people were dragged into it.) I feel really awkward even though I didn't do anything wrong, because we literally just started talking and already I (indirectly) caused all this mess. It's frustrating because I've actually been *trying* to play it cool/not fumble for once because I liked him a lot, like normally I don't do that bc idgaf so this is the exact opposite of what I was trying to do lmao. It's not my fault that someone made up lies about me though, I'm not going to entertain that kind of BS. Like if you really don't like me that much(?) just tell me straight up so we can either make up or take it outside. Like even if I don't get along with someone I can respect if they have the balls to do something about it, making shit up about me on the internet is the most pussy middle school shit ever lmao. People act so hard online then do this nonsense... just say you can't fight. It's one thing for there to be a misunderstanding but straight up lying about me is fighting words. But yeah unfortunately I think things are ruined, I thought we cleared everything up but we haven't been talking since so idk if he still feelin me. Thanks a lot for sabotaging my rizz everyone involved.
Anyways. Me and Joe are going to start a martial industrial band that sucks. I'm already in promo material for Logan's band, it's time for me to pave my own way... I'm definitely better at looking pretty in pictures than making music but I think it'll be funny. I'll do some solo stuff too, my dad has like everything I could ever need so even though it'll definitely be not good whatsoever I'd like to do some one-man(-woman) stuff Varg style, like playing each instrument myself then layering it all together. Just for funsies. My brain says get a job my heart says start a solo black metal project in my garage.
Jan 29 2024 I just started playing Old School Runescape, feeling very spiritually Venezuelan rn. I made my friend Joe make an account to play with me and he kept saying "this is so dungeon synth" and put peter griffin in Runescape. Later this week I'm going to spend a few days in the city with my friends I'm really excited. NYC is nawt ready for us This trip finna be a youtube short. We will be seeing a band one of my friends knows a member of and do some shopping and aimlessly wander around and such. I hope to enounter Dasha Nekrasova, will perhaps leave some adderall outside a brandy melville as bait. Also i broke up with Miles. We had nothing in common and he kept giving me lip the sassy man apocalypse is real. Lord Miles btfo'd, we rockin wit [REDACTED] now. I think I met the love of my life on twitter dot com. I thought he was rly cute for like forevs but only recently got the balls to say something. Dm'd him while half in the bag one night and now I am going to show up at his house in a few weeks. I didn't know I had game like that. Every other boyfriend I've had has not been close to this cool and he is so hot he literally is like the idealized boyfriends I'd make for myself in The Sims it's crazy. Have never been so heart eyes 4 someone. I know we just started talking but I think I need to wife him. It is fate. I sound like James Cage White.
Dec 6 2023 Hiiii internet. Life has been pretty good lately. I got a postcard from Miles in the mail :D He has really girly handwriting lol its really cute. I've been talking to Zoe a lot lately too. We are planning to see each other soon, it will be so fun to see her irl. She understands me in a way few others do. We are like madoka and homura but less lesbian. My parents are still arguing but just about stupid stuff now, nothing serious. It still bothers me to hear, most of the time it really doesn't affect me at all but sometimes it'll bother me a little for some reason. Like all of a sudden it'll make me feel like i'm 14 again, in a bad way. It happens really rarely but it's really uncomfortable and embarrassing. Get a grip wigga. I feel really ugly lately too. I want lip injections and lash extensions. I don't think it'd make me feel much better though, i think it's just a self image problem. Wouldn't hurt though! I'm going to play The Sims 4 or Postal tonight on my laptop so i stop being sappy and weird.
Nov 22 2023 I was going to post last night but lack of sleep caught up with me lol. I haven't been sleeping much/well lately but finally got some decent sleep last night. By the end of the night i was so sleep deprived that i was starting to actually struggle to form sentences, like it took a good 10 minutes to respond to simple texts because my train of thought just wasn't there. I'd keep rereading the stuff i was typing and words suddenly wouldn't make sense/sound right, anything i typed felt like word salad. I'm in my Fight Club narrator era... Anyway, today i think i will do a bit of online shopping then go to Walmart to pick up a few things later. I need to tidy up my room too it looks like a bomb went off in here. I hate how it gets dark super early now, days feel so much shorter i need to start waking up earlier. Don't have much to say today. Currently trying to figure out what "noon" actually means on ifunny lmao. I've seen it used as a stand-in for 1) the n word 2) faggot 3) the word kill when telling someone to kys but also have seen it conjugated like a verb. Truly fascinating.
Nov 20 2023 Spent most of today hanging out with my friend Joe. I got home a few hours ago and am now picking out some things to order off Suicidal Tendencies' merch site. I think i'm going to get a long sleeve shirt and a patch for myself + some stickers and one of their classic bandanas for my dad (he's also a fan). I really want the Suicidal Tendencies booty shorts that say SUICIDAL on the butt(lol) but they're out of stock in my size. I also talked to my internet friend Zoe and my mail order husband Miles today, i'm really excited to meet them both in the near future. Introducing Miles to my parents is going to be really funny because he's british lmao they're going to lose their shit when they hear him talk. My mom heard a little of me and him talking on the phone once but i feel like she thinks i wasn't actually being fr and was just messing with her. But as lil wayne said, i got my girl from overseas now she my Miss America. I think i'm going to go to some of the neo luddite meetings/events at Iffy Books in philly this upcoming month, i want to get out of the house more. My life has been bordering on hikikomori-ism lately n would very much like to rejoin society my room is cool and all but i be bored ah hell in this bih no cap
Nov 18 2023 PART 2 ermmm i want to go get some breakfast or at least a caffeinated beverage but i can hear my mom yelling at my dad and she sounds soooo mad like literally screaming at him bruh how you wake up and immediately go death con 3 on ur man this is some hall of fame tier hating (i want her to calm down FrFr its making me anxious. inshallah i don't get caught in the crossfire when i set foot outside my room)
Nov 18 2023 It has been a very long time since i've updated this site! So much has happened in my life. I'm 20-almost-21 years old now for starters. In the almost 3 years i've been away i have been mostly unemployed but briefly worked at a liquor store and then at a record store. I started dating, got engaged to, then broke up with Dylan, who is better known online as gunguy831. He was my best friend and it was all so good for a while but he ended up using me and lying to me like he does everyone else. For most of the relationship he really did treat me differently, he gave me respect and honesty he had never given anyone else. I know that he genuinely trusted me and wasn't just lying because he shared all his personal info with me: banking info, ssn, passport/driver's license, workplace, home address, stuff about his ongoing lawsuit, and all of his dirty laundry (stuff from his past he doesn't tell anyone else, because it would either disgust or scare them); he surprised me with a tattoo of a B (my initial) on his thigh; he started paying for a tutor to learn Russian for me (another surprise, he did it all on his own); he even entrusted me with some of his most prized possessions (most of which being from his childhood, thus sentimental and irreplaceable). He was truly in love with me.
But then one day, as if a switch flipped, suddenly he was distant. He gradually stopped saying "i love you" until he stopped saying it altogether, wouldn't call me while he was at work anymore like he always used to, stopped telling me i was cute/pretty/hot (even suggestive images elicited a lukewarm response... and my body is insane like bro has to be gay), and even though he tried to explain everything away as just him being stressed/depressed/overworked, the shift in how our relationship felt was so profound it could not be ignored, it was like night and day. He later admitted that his excuses and explanations for his behavior during this period was all lies, that he was no longer in love with me but kept me around because i gave him money and because he was too much of a coward to break things off himself. I only got the truth because one night i randomly thought "hmm. download tinder and set the location to his city to see if he's on there" and sure enough he was, so i confronted him and ultimately caused the breakup. We didn't break up right away because, upon seeing me truly angry for the first time (in all his years of knowing me, he had never once seen me genuinely angry, as i am very difficult to anger and had always been especially loving/gentle/patient/sweet/nurturing with him in particular), he "feared for his life" LMAO. I let him hear it, i gave him a piece of my mind and tore him a new one. By the time i had said all i wanted to say he was audibly crying on the phone. He was scared straight by my ferocity (i think he had mistook my kindness for weakness up until this point) for a few days but by the time things had calmed down the relationship was over, damaged beyond repair. It was only during the final week of the relationship that all this happened, up until this point i had believed him when he said he was just very stressed/in a bit of a depression, because for the longest time he was trustworthy, he had never lied to me, i had no reason not to trust him. Because of this, the breakup felt very sudden when it happened and it felt like my life was upside down. My future plans were abruptly changed, and seemingly overnight he had gone from the person i could always depend on to someone that had betrayed me in the worst way & didn't even want to be in my life anymore. And so i was very upset for a while. It hurt more than i had ever been hurt before. I clung to the possibility of him changing his mind and coming back to me, saying that he realized he really did love me after all. But, by the grace of God, the rose tinted glasses i had been seeing him thru began to fall away. I started to reexamine a lot of things using newly gained context, to put 2 and 2 together and see things for what they really were. I was mourning who i thought i was engaged to. I was mourning the relationship we once had, the Dylan that loved me; but both of those things were gone and they'd been gone for months (even though at the time i didn't know it). Accepting this + many hours spent talking with my dear friends really helped me heal. Brooke, Zoe, Yun, Eris, Stephie, Joe, Hunter, and Gabby, thank you for your service.
Now that that's out of the way, time for more recent stuff. I bagged a bad bitch (harrassed him until he developed stockholm syndrome) and hope the United States government stops cucking us soon. I would very much like to see him irl, i need to treat him to the finest dinner Mcdonalds can offer and to bring him shooting. He happens to be sort of very famous I will be a PR disaster. He is rly sweet and funny and seems to hold the same values as me. Anyway, my ifunny career is really taking off. I had to make a new account because my old one got banned (called people faggot in the comments section too many times) and omg 16.3k smiles in 25 days.. i'm litwrally an influencer. I only have 19 subscribers but my posts are doing numbies. I'm also really into diet coke lately. Big fan of adding a little lemon juice or if i'm really feeling crazy, some grenadine syrup for DIY cherry coke. Over and out
Jan 31 2021 the past week i have been hanging out with crystal and evan. the first day we picked up joey r******* and mike d******** and made them go to walmart with us for some reason and then we tried to find a rumored party in the woods. it got shut down by the cops so we blew up fireworks behind [REDACTED]. then we went to the zoo and atlantic city where we snuck into a casino and then went shopping at the outlets. another day we went to dave and busters which is kind of like an upscale chucky cheese. i made them listen to yung lean in the parking lot. then we went with caleb to trade in my switch at gamestop (i needed evan's ID for the trade because im 18 now but dont have any form of ID yet lol) and we all went to dollar general and target then came back to my house to hang out in my room. and then 2 days ago me and crystal and evan made some guy named eric m***** come with us to south street in philly. we went to the sanrio store and a gay thrift store called AIDS Thrift (not joking) that had a huge gay porn section because eric thought it was just a normal thrift store. hes such a libtarded homo he belongs there. evan grabbed a few of the store's free pride themed condoms and blew them up like balloons lmao. i have also been obsessed with youtube iceberg videos and garfield lately. life has been pretty fun.
Jan 14 2021 me and brooke and peegirl are all friends still, it was just an overwhelming situation we didn't know how to deal with. i got my phone taken away because my parents thought that i'd use my phone to get into more trouble. i got it back after 3 days because my mom was defending my case, my dad would've been fine just taking it away forever. right now i feel a bit nihilistic, i am aimlessly stumbling through life. i have no reason to get up in the morning other than to take care of pepper and binky, put on my makeup, online shop. i have no drive to do anything. i turn 18 in 3 days though which is cool i guess.
Jan 5 2021 my life is over i feel hated and stupid and pathetic me and brooke aren't friends anymore and my parents hate me i wish i could go back in time or find some way to make everything just go away.
Dec 24 2020 [REDACTED]
Dec 17 2020 today i woke up at 8AM for online school videochat. i attended half of the classes because i got anxious about talking to the teachers who i haven't done any work for. during psych Mr.Barb said he was "very interested by and wanted to know more about my interactions with my psychiatrist" ?? LMAO but omfg when it was time for the finance videochat i was shitting my brains out on the toilet because of all the adderall and monster energy i consume like a fucking beast. i figured i should be responsible and join it, all i'd have to do was download the app on my phone and then just sit there with my mic muted and my camera off. so i joined and that was a fucking mistake i was literally the only person there and Mrs.Jones kept talking to me and asked me to turn my camera on. I WAS STILL ON THE FUCKING TOILET WTF WHAT DO I EVEN DO i was like oh sorry haha (but still didn't turn on my camera) my voice was echoing because i was in the bathroom AND THEN THE TOILET STARTED MAKING NOISES ON ITS OWN my mic was on i know she heard it. i was mortified but thank God she just let me leave the google meet after like 5 minutes. i was DMing brooke and cal and brody as it all was happening it was so funny. my life is just one embarrassment after another. please God i am not one of your strongest soldiers make it stop
Dec 15 2020 the other day i went to caleb's house with vienna and emma and lily and some nerdy 4channy boy named ant i want to get to know him ive never met someone in real life like /that/ its so funny. also we are getting a male bull terrier puppy soon i'm so excited AND because brooke is coming to new jersey soon to stay with me for a week :D its going to be sooo fun this feels like a dream i never thought we'd be able to meet... going 2 be the best week of my life. goodnight.
November 10 2020 i am wearing my charles manson shirt it is really cool and i have been talking to the groupchat (cal brooke mila peegeirl and niko even though niko is always silent... love him too tho) i lovey them so so much. me and cal are evil now. we are very much channeling archie and sierra from My Suicide. we are going to be destructive demons for a while because we are bored. todayi will drink monster energy rehab lemon and research true crime i don't feel like doing much today. tomorrow i think me and my mom are going to try to get my driving permit at the DMV. i can't wait to get my own car and my license so i can drive around and do whatever i want. my parents won't stop fighting with me about my grades. my dad called me bender from the breakfast club. it was funny but they should really leave me alone because i'm on top of things now and i'm also almost 18 i can do whatever i want and if they want me to act like an adult they have to treat me like one.
November 8 2020 i am watching zero day right now. it feels weird watching it as my 18th birthday approaches. i remember watching it at 14 when i first entered highschool. i can't believe i made it out alive and i can't believe i'm going to legally be an adult soon. before i know it i will be living at my own place and doing whatever adults do. i still feel the same as i did then. i think everybody does though. i feel like i'm meant to be an angsty teenager forever, i can't imagine myself as an adult. i still look like a middle schooler and i have no concrete plans for the future, i wish i was 14 again so i would have more time to think about that. but since then i've gotten way more pretty and have good friends now. caleb is coming over soon and he is bringing my smile dog painting i left at his house (because it was still wet... but also because it kind of creeps me out. i did a little too good.) [REDACTED] i'm useless!!!! my last thing to say is that i love cal. he is my bff, fate brought us together! we were meant to be friends
October 31 2020 yesterday i took my adderall and in under 2 hours wrote an essay, did 4 pages of math work, a psych chart and test, a finance test, and completed the sketch for my art project (a painting of peewee herman) so all of my missing schoolwork is done. it is halloween and i am in my room with caleb. he is a vampire and i'm courtney love. we are listening to music and going to hang out for a few hours before we go to vienna's halloween party. yesterday my dad got me the new monster khaotic flavor and today i got the papillon flavor with caleb. we are currently playing with my old camera and are going to go do a photoshoot outside. last night i had a dream where i was dating a boy in my psych class named TJ. he is not my type at all and i don't even know him but the dream made me have butterflies. I am writing this sentence the next day (November 1) last night i went to the party and had so much fun. vienna has a little kitten named murph and he has the cutest tiny face. i picked him up and he was like less than 2 lbs it was so cute. very stinky little guy tho. i mixed my monster energy drink with a lime white claw to make a DIY 4loko. and then me and julie talked all night and she played with my hair and we sort of cuddled i love her. she asked me if i was straight and i am lol but she didn't ever make me feel uncomfortable. us and caleb are going to hang out on friday i think. and emma invited me to hang out with her and vienna anytime i'm bored because i'm currently pissed off at crystal. all in all halloween was fun. i love my friends
October 23 2020 currently i am sitting in one of the two mismatched office chairs in my room i use for gaming chairs. i took my adderall today and it makes me feel normal and happy. i didn't take it yesterday and felt really blah. pepper is sleeping on my bed and radiohead is playing on my stereo system. i did a videochat with my math teacher and the class, it was so weird. it's strange too that my teacher and some of my classmates have never seen my face because we all have to wear masks. i wonder if they think im cute or ugly. i like my teacher a lot, her name is mrs. williams and she is so patient with me and helps me up my grades. I can tell she really cares. crystal is coming over later and tomorrow me and caleb are going to try to convince one of our parents to bring us to the cherry hill mall. he is going to sleepover i am excited. i've been updating my site a lot these past few days too. it's still shitty but i like it. i am going to do my makeup now i think. or maybe i'll film another yt video. The day is still young my friends...
October 21 2020 right now i am talking to brooke and mila and peegirl and trin we made a big groupchat and i love them they are silly and really cool. ive still been making youtube videos and just filmed one today, its a get ready with me video. i am wearing a really cute dress that;s more revealing than i'm used to (its not even revealing it just isn't an XL baggy hoodie like i normally wear-_-). my grades have been almost all F's but ive suddenly gotten motivation and now they are two D's, C, B, and two F's. i am going to try my very hardest to raise them. school just shut down for 2 weeks because a staff member got the virus. that sucks balls i reallu like going to school and i hope they are okay. a few days ago i went to caleb's halloween party with crystal and our friends vienna lily emma and julie came it was fun. i dressed as johnny lawrence from the karate kid. i wore my custom jacket with a pair of retro jeans and checkerboard vans slip ons so i look like him when he was at the beach arguing with ali. his actor william zabka is soooo cute im so in love with him. it was his birthday yesterday, he is 55 now i don't care if he is 38 years older than me he looks so fine ugh i won't him. i have a thing for mean blond men i think. speaking of blonde, i am blonde now! its unrelated to my weird parasocial relationship with william zabka, i dyed it blonde to be like slim shady/eminem. i got it dyed by my favorite hairdresser helen. i've gone to a lot of salons in the meantime but she's been doing my hair ever since i was 11 or so, i always let her color my hair because she's the only person who always gets it right. i am going to see her on tuesday and i'm going to get her a mascara because she complimented my eyelashes last time and asked what mascara i use so i'm going to get it for her:). i'm going to help brooke with neocities now i don't really have much more to say byeeee
October 2 2020 i haven't been on neocities in a while. i am a senior in high school now. i started learning a martial art called Tang Soo Do (which i will refer to as karate because its easier) and became obsessed with the 80s. before school i wash down my adderall with monster energy so i get suuuuper amped up and feel happy.but now i feel kinda poopy without it. [REDACTED] took like half the bottle of my pills so i will be very lethargic for two weeks until my next prescription. johnny lawrence can't see me like this. if i am off the rall for 2 weeks i'll be tired and hungry and end up being fat and depressed and boring i won't be good at karate and i most certainly won't be hot. i've been filming youtube videos and it is really fun. i filmed a mountain dew gamer fuel unboxing review in my 1st period gym class with allie. the mountain dew exploded when i stuck my straw in and spilled all over my backpack and the auditorium chair it was on and there was a blue sugary puddle on the floor but my teacher didn't notice. i also made a johnny lawrence replica jacket but instead of his red leather jacket mine is a red members only jacket (with the same patch obviously). other recent things i bought are a vote for pedro shirt and the complete karate kid 5 movie set and a lot of nicotine products and socks that look bloody like a horror movie murder victim's. this weekend i am going to buy more drinks ive never tried so i can film more unboxing reviews. i saw a white mountain dew at the store the other day and i need to try it. it's called voodew, i just looked it up on the mountain dew wiki (didn't know that was even a thing). i think i should also try monster ultra watermelon and monster papillon, the new flavors coming out in a week or so, and monster mango loco and monster pipeline punch.
August 18 2020 i bought a lot of clothes the other day and am sooo excited. i am planning an all-pink version of layla's outfit from buffalo 66. i can't wait for churches to re-open i want to go so badly. My relationship with God has been very strong. i have to do chores now, see ya l8er :p time has passed since i typed the last sentence. someone texted my mom lies about how i "do bad things online" now my internet and social media access is limited. i won't be able to spend much time alone either. this sucks ass. who would hate me enough to do this to me? my grandma is doing really bad again too. life went from really good to really bad in the span of 2 days. woe is me.
July 31 2020 my current hyperfixations are the "final girl" horror movie trope, old girly horror movies like jennifer's body and ginger snaps and jawbreaker, rose mcgowan, and the video game bully for ps2. i want to look like a dreamy blonde girl next door in a slasher movie. and i think gary smith from bully is soooo cute even though he's a sociopath. i ship him and jimmy i want to write a fanfiction on wattpad about them. in my headcanon jimmy is gay idk why i just made it up in my head. he really likes to kiss the boys in the game and he's all tough and abrasive sooo internalized homophobia and him and gary are both cute boys so they must kiss. but jimmy and johnny would be a good couple too. i also think he'd look good with that cheerleader christy martin. tomorrow me and crystal are going to the mall i'm excited. i'm going to take adderall and drink monster energy to be at peak human performance B). i got a new phone the other day too. it's a black iphone 11 and i ordered a clear phone case and a scream popsocket that has ghostface on it. me and ben and crystal hung out in the woods the other day and built a hut and made monkey noises and smoked cigarettes and walked around exploring my town at midnight and had a big sleepover. i layed in a field and crystal took a picture of me and said i looked like a murder victim it was cute. but my ass was kind of showing so i'm a sexy murder victim. i am going to watch jawbreaker with my mom and paint my nails with shimmery clear nail polish now.
July 11 2020 i feel like shit i cried in the car because i felt like i couldn't breathe i ruin everything and make everyone upset. i watched Splice last night with Crystal and it was really cool. but i hate eugenics and technology as a whole. i wish the whole world was just wild nature, or at least how things were before the industrial revolution.
June 27 2020 yesterday i went to Goodwill with Crystal and Caleb and got a dvd about domestic terrorism and a PS2 controller, but the controller didn't work so i nailed it to my wall for decor. peak interior design. then we went back to my house and made kandi bracelets and did Euphoria-esque makeup and then drove to my friend Vienna's party. everyone was really excited to see me and yelled my name when i walked in and Diego hugged me i felt really cool lol. Crystal didn't really know anyone but i introduced her to a few people and everyone loved her. we both made some new friends, i only knew like half the people there. a drunk girl took my face in her hands and said i "have the most beautiful grey eyes". she hugged me a lot and said i have a "sweet and pure energy". i think she is one of those astrology almost-hippie girls. her friend was cool too, she did Euphoria makeup too it looked like glitter tears. she said i was really pretty and it meant a lot coming from someone that wasn't my friend, so she just saw my appearance and not me so it made me feel kinda good about myself. we also made friends with a girl who we smoked a cigarette with. she sent Crystal's ex (who she knew a few years ago) a snapchat of her chewing him out and making fun of him and at the end of it we all gave him the finger. they played 100 gecs at the party it felt like i was having an aneurysm. then Crystal slept over my house. in the morning we went to Dunkin Donuts and got iced coffee and hung out in my room for a while before she left. then my aunt and grandma came over. my grandma just got discharged from a hospital/rehab facility for physical and mental health reasons, it sucks that she's getting weaker and has a bit of dementia now but she's still the Nana i know and love, she's still goofy and "a wise ass" as my mom puts it. my aunt has to bring her back to California with her to take care of her there since she's power of attorney or something like that. i am going to miss nana so much. she and i are so close, we're like two halves of the same brain. she taught me almost everything i know and gave me a place to stay when my parents didn't really want me around and inspires me to be ambitious and travel and pursue new hobbies and learn to cook and to just be my own person, live my own life. she's brought me all over the country and taught me about other cultures, she was the one who taught me how to speak spanish. it's hard seeing such a strong willed woman so frail and loopy. but what's hard for me must be harder for her, i hope she's doing okay. i am going to see her tomorrow again and probably the day after that before she leaves for a long time.
June 25 2020 me and Crystal and Tony and Felix went to play around on some train tracks (some were abandoned but we didn't know which ones lol). there was a lot of graffiti so you already know we had to add some of our own. we climbed a really steep ledge to get up on top of a really overgrown overpass thing and Felix had to help me up and on the way down Crystal saw me fall i'm retarded. i like actually fell, it was super steep and there was hardly anything to grab onto even though it was in the forest and it was high up, i have bruises on my arms and legs and butt but it was funny. then we heard a train coming and it was terrifying, Tony and Felix couldn't hear us yelling at them to get off the tracks. but we didn't die and Crystal came back to my house after and we made kandi and watched insidious and she cried into my shoulder over a boy. if i saw him out in public i'd [REDACTED] he's so stupid. but i'm happy i can comfort her when she's upset, she's like a sister to me. her, Cal, and Brooke are my best friends 4ever.
June 19 2020 i went to Goodwill with Allie and my mom and i got an hp computer moniter and keyboard and mouse, now i just need to get a tower. i want to use it for gaming. i dont want it to be high tech and expensive like most setups i see online, i just want an early 2000s-esque computer situation. i watched The King of Staten Island (the new movie with Pete Davidson) with my mom last night and it was kind of funny i recommend it. i am going to start losing weight, i don't like how i look. My dad says he's going to divorce my mom. i talked to my friend Brody about it. [REDACTED]
June 18 2020 i just went to rite aid with my mom and she forgot to get something for my dad and now they're fighting soooo i'm programming :p i slept all day and watched true crime videos and talked to my friends Cal Brody Vince Crystal Viktor Shaddy Lily Caleb Allie Yun and Mila. i was so tired after yesterday. i was supposed to get surgery and i took the train to the hospital and got my blood taken and put on the hospital gown and was about to get anaesthesia but i was so sad about my grandma and worried about school because i thought i was going to get held back and everyone would think i was stupid and my meds aren't working as good so i couldn't stop crying for hours but it got really bad and i started seeing patterns on the hospital divider curtain's netting and seeing pictures in the ceiling it was changing from sand to grass to confetti to scratch marks and i was saying dumb things so i was sent home and we have to reschedule and i have to be put on more medicine and go back to therapy i stopped going because i didnt feel like it. i forgot i had some money in my wallet, i want to buy playstation plus and buy gta v again (i traded my copy into gamestop last year). someone asked me about Sol today. i miss her so much. we knew each other since i was 14... we will meet again one day. going to work on this site some more now.
